Inhumane and Cruel

Ok, so it's been ages since I last wrote. But seriously, what do you retards think? That I'm at your beck and call for your amusement? I'm a cat for God's sake, not a drooling mind-dead dog!! But I know that my legions of fans have been calling for my return, so here I am.

I have to say that yesterday I was highly unimpressed when I overheard those strange people talking about me. Actually, unimpressed doesn't quite cover it. I was scared shitless after what I heard. Ok, I'm the first to admit that maybe I have picked up a little weight over the holiday season. But seriously who hasn't? I mean with all that wonderful turkey, ham...Mmmm... hammm......

Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yes, so I'm a little heavier. But you have to understand that I've always been big. I'm muscular. But now I overhear people talking about buying me a kitty treadmill to work off some of the kilos. What the hell? A kitty treadmill? What moron dreamt up that idea? Or should I say sadist?

I can only imagine what it would be like... And like I said I'm scared shitless! And then to add insult to injury I heard the most terrifying phrase: PURPLE JOGGING SUIT. Who are these people? Surely this is inhumane and cruel. I know I can't jump quite as high as I used to, but that doesn't mean I'm too fat. I'm just getting old... 4 is old for a cat! And 8kgs isn't that heavy.

Oh my gosh I think a just saw something purple in a plastic bag. Gotta get into my cupboard. Will keep you all posted though